


Forgiveness

by space_kitten_606



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-07-27 08:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20042875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_kitten_606/pseuds/space_kitten_606
Summary: The heaviness inside the car was sickening. When he first picked up Mc this morning, Seven was still trying to keep up the game. Everything was fine. Just a normal road trip. Except that it wasn’t. And just by glancing at the woman’s face, he could tell that by now, she was very aware of that. In the last hour the weightless atmosphere vanished with every minute that passed. And the closer he made it to his goal, the more conscious he became of the situation’s gravity.





	Forgiveness

The heaviness inside the car was sickening. When he first picked up Mc this morning, Seven was still trying to keep up the game. Everything was fine. Just a normal road trip. Except that it wasn’t. And just by glancing at the woman’s face, he could tell that by now, she was very aware of that. In the last hour the weightless atmosphere vanished with every minute that passed. And the closer he made it to his goal, the more conscious he became of the situation’s gravity. 

There were no other cars on the road. He used to come here often to wind down, to get some distance when life turned for the worse. After this he’d have to find another place for himself. He just wasn’t sure if he could live with the new meaning this place would have for him. It was not easy to find abandoned areas like this. But he’d have to make it. There was no way to turn back now. What would that look like? How could he ever dare to look at her again? 

Eventually he stopped the red car. In front of them towered a large warehouse. It looked like there hadn’t been any people there in a very long time. 

“I suppose this is it.”, Mc spoke into the pressing silence. “You really did think this through, didn’t you.”

Her voice seemed devoid of emotion and yet he could feel her nervousness all around them. He couldn’t blame her. 

Seven swallowed thickly. “Yes.“ 

She looked down on her thighs, before nodding to herself and stepping out of the vehicle. The hacker followed her example. As he opened the trunk, a bag revealed itself to his eyes. A cold shiver ran over his back. Vanderwood had helped him prepare for today. He had even offered to take her here in his place. A friendly offer, despite the inevitable consequence.

Swinging the bag over his shoulders, he caught back up with Mc. Both had their eyes locked upon the building as they approached it. 

"Are we going to go inside or…?”

“I’d like to leave this choice to you.”

Mc stopped in her tracks. “Outside then. The weather is nice today, isn’t it?”

It was. The sun filled the air with just the right amount of warmth, with a cool breeze shaking it up a little once in a while. It felt like mockery.

“Saeyoung.”

Hearing his name from her lips despite never having told her this time around came as no surprise. She knew. She had for a while. And he had told her. Over and over. Each time again, as if it was the first. 

“I want you to know that I never lied to you. You mean so much to me. So does the RFA. And your brother." 

"I do. And they mean just as much to me. Which is why can’t watch any longer.”

“I never meant to hurt anyone.”

“I know.”

“I was never given a choice.”

“I know.”

“Do you hate me.”

He hesitated. Of course he didn’t. He loved her. With all his heart. Always has. 

“I couldn’t. You’re too special to me. But I cannot go through another reset. I know you don’t do it on purpose, but you’re the one who’s causing this. According to my calculations, this will make it stop.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“If it doesn’t. If it really resets again. I hope you can forgive me.”

He watched her back in silence. She didn’t turn around. Didn’t say anything. It was the same unbearable silence that already wrapped itself around them in the car earlier. 

“I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me. But I can’t lose my brother again. I think I’m about to lose my mind. I love you both, but there’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make. And I can’t sacrifice Saeran. I did that before, thinking I was sacrificing myself but now that know better I-”

“It’s okay.”, Mc interrupted him, “Hey, what do you think of that spot on the grass over there? It looks so nice with the trees.”

Her sudden change of topic shook him, and yet it was more than welcome. Saeyoung let out a silent breath and nodded. 

Silently, he put his bag down next to Mc, who already sat down on the grass. She ran her hands over the soft surface in a calm motion, to the hacker it looked like she was trying to ground herself. 

“…I brought blankets too." 

Mc raised a brow at that offer. "Blankets? As in several?”

“You might need them later. They won’t help much but it’s worth a try, I thought.”

“Ah, right.” She nodded briefly before looking into the trees and away from him. 

He wouldn’t want to look at himself right now either. 

Trying his best to ignore the voices in his head begging him to stop, to change his mind, he dug several small bottles out of his bag, some gloves and last but not least a syringe. 

“That’s quite a lot.” Her voice came out hesitant, as her eyes rested on the small assortment of clear liquids. 

“Don’t worry. Some of it is just…back up material.”

“In case it doesn’t work immediately?”

“In case my dosage is wrong.”

“What about this one?”

His gaze followed hers and got stuck on the biggest bottle of the bunch. “It’s for emergencies. If it gets really bad, you know.”

“Do the others know about this? What if they ask about me?”

He was aware of her inner turmoil. He wished he could make it easier for her. In fact, he wished he didn’t have to do this at all. But the more she’d talk to him, the more it ate away at him. And yet he could not deny her an answer. It just wouldn’t be fair. 

“They won’t.”

Mc fell completely silent. Gripping her other arm, she audibly swallowed. The motion in his peripheral vision made Luciel look up at her. Her face had fallen into a frown. Revising the words that came out of his mouth mere seconds ago, he sighed. 

“That’s not what I meant. I have a plausible explanation for why you’re suddenly gone. That’s why they won’t ask about you. I’m prepared for every possible outcome.”

He hated how flat his voice was. How matter of factly he spoke. But he mustn’t become emotional. 

Mc bit her lip and nodded. 

For the rest of his preparations they sat in silence. The woman seemed to come up with some more questions. Once in a while she’d turn to him and open her mouth, as if she wanted to speak, but she never did. Through all of his moves, he could feel her watching him. Mostly his hands, expertly moving, sometimes on his features, frequently changing as he tried to focus on this important task. He had to do everything right. This was bad enough already, if he made only one mistake it could prove to be fatal. 

The sun started her descend, when he was finally done. Letting out a breath, he put down the mixture of dangerous liquids, and looked at Mc. 

She immediately reacted to his movement, looking back at him. The question that was forming in her mind was clear on her face and instead of waiting for her to vocalize it, Saeyoung gave her a quick nod. She took a deep breath before scooting over to him.

“I think you should lay down. I can…hold you if you like.”

An offer presenting little to now comfort, he thought, but Mc seemed to take him on it. She came even closer and climbed into his lap. 

“Like this?”, she asked hesitantly. 

Having her face this close felt like heaven and hell combined. He wanted to hold her in another way, for other reasons. He wanted to cup her face and taste her lips. To just pick her up and run off, as if it would change anything. 

Looking around a little, he made sure he could still reach everything he needed.

“Ya. I think this is good.” 

Saeyoung felt Mc bury her face in the crook of his neck. Giving the moment a strange feeling of sincere affection. Was she trying to encourage him now? Was this her way of telling him that it was going to be okay? If it was, she did not seem to be able to say it directly. 

“Is it going to hurt?”

Just by the way her voice sounded, he could tell that this question had been lingering in the back of her mind for a while now. It sounded as hesitant as it was urgent. 

“Not much. You’ll just. Sleep away.”, he whispered. Mc tired to look at him as he spoke, but he couldn’t stand to watch her face as he talked about the next few hours. “The part that will probably hurt most should happen while you’re unconscious.”

“What if I am not unconscious somehow?”

“That’s what the emergency bottle is for. Don’t worry about it. I will do all that’s in my power to make this as…pleasant as I can for you.” Cringing at his choice of words he took a sharp inhale. How could he possibly associate anything like this with the word ‘pleasant’. Nothing about this was pleasant. Not for him and even less for her, no doubt. 

Mc mustered him after his reaction, curious eyes trying to read his features. When Seven finally dared to look back at her, she gave him a reassuring smile. 

“It’s okay. I understand.”, she mumbled. Moving her hand as slowly and carefully as possible, she reached out for his face and caressed his cheek. 

The soft skin of her hand felt like silk to him, wrapping his mind into a state of comfort, far away from this place. 

This wasn’t right. He should be the one to calm her, not the other way around. He was the one who was getting to go back home. Unlike her…

“Saeyoung. I think I’m ready.”

Her words hit him harder than anything else he had experienced in his life so far. Or so it felt at that moment. How could she possibly say that with such a calm demeanour? This was not some fun past time. Not something they could just reverse. 

“I’m not afraid anymore. It’s what has to be done, and I’m happy you’re here by my side to lead me through it.”

Saeyoung took a shaky breath. He wanted to lash out, scream at her to not react like that. To not embrace the situation like that. Did he want her to struggle? To fight him and try to run? Maybe. It would certainly make more sense for him than her welcoming her fate like this. 

Hesitantly, he reached for the syringe in front of him. The clear liquid moved inside, giving away that he was shaking. Not moving her hand from his cheek, she reached for his wrist with the other to steady his shaking. A peaceful smile decorated her face as she looked at him again, a quick nod aimed to reassure him even more. Softly moving his arm to help her rearrange her position into something more comfortable, he made sure there was no way for her to fall off of his lap. One arm steadied her head,as the other holding the syringe moved closer to her neck. 

Sad golden eyes watched her features as he bend down to press his lips to hers, before the cold needle penetrated her skin. Mc gasped at the sensation, but soon forgot about it, melting into the kiss. The tears streaming down his face mixed with hers as he pulled her even closer to himself. It was done. All they had left now were a few last hours, before she’d be gone from his life. He put away the now empty container and reached for a cotton pad to stop possible bleeding. All the while watching her. 

The further the sun hid behind the trees, the more Mc slipped away from him. Her gaze tended to unfocus in shorter amounts of time, her breathing was flat. The light tint of red that decorated her cheeks faded more and more. Despite how shaky she was by now, she still seemed to fight. Soaking up every bit of affection he was more than willing to give her in her last moments. Her head weakly rested at his shoulder, as he kept stroking her hair and her face, peppering featherlight kisses on her whitening features. Her arm moved painfully slowly, as she tried to reach for his hand resting on her hip. She made it only barely. With the little bit of strength she had left, she squeezed his hand lightly. 

“Hey, Saeyoung.” Her voice came out as a croak, weakened by her body trying to keep her alive and breathing despite the hopeless situation. “I just wanted to tell you that I’ll forgive you. No matter what.”

Biting his lip, he took her hand in his, squeezing back. It took him all his might to not burst into tears. He had to stay calm. Had to keep it in. For her. Though he knew his body language kept giving him away. 

“I- thank you, Mc. Your body is tired. Please give it rest. Don’t try to stay awake.”, he pressed out. 

Mc coughed a weak laugh. “Okay. Will you stay?”

“I won’t leave your side until your heart has stopped beating. Now sleep, dream of the space - station for me, will you?”

The young woman hummed in confirmation to his request and let her eyes fall shut. Her muscles relaxed in his hold as her breathing became more shallow with every passing second. It didn’t take much longer until the last bit of life inside her was fading away. 

“Mc? Mc, are you-” A lot more scared than he liked himself to be he checked her breathing first, then her heartbeat. And even after both confirmed that she had left, he was not comfortable leaving yet. He still kept caressing her. Mumbling words of love and affection. Promises that, wherever she’d go to now, she would not be alone and he won’t forget about her. Still, as much as he wanted to stay with her, the real work was still ahead of him. 

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

The last time Saeyoung drove down this road had been several years ago. It was still as quiet as it had been all the times before. And despite his last visit being so long ago, it still left him with an uneasy feeling. It would forever remind him of what happened here, what he had done. Just like back then, the abandoned building came into view, looking eerie and making a shiver run down his spine. Strange to think it still stood to this day. Shaking his head he parked his car at the side of the road and got out. The weather was nothing like the last time he came here. Rain poured from the sky relentlessly pressing his mood even more than the place alone already did. 

Knowing exactly what to look for, Saeyoung took long strides towards a more grassy area on the side of the grounds. A set of big trees framed it quite nicely, making it look like a good place to rest on a better day. He stood there for a minute, taking in his surroundings. His goal shouldn’t be far from here. And sure enough there it was. A little carved sign in one of the trunks, impossible to see if you weren’t looking for it. Following the little signs strewn around quickly, he ended up in a small open place, right in between the trees. The rain barely made it through the leaves, allowing him to take of the hood he had been hiding beneath. In front of him there was a wooden cross. It was about half his size, nailed together in a haste. Small flowers had started to make their home underneath it. Looking at it, he couldn’t help but feeling a sense of calm inside himself. 

“Heya, Mc.”, he whispered. Soft steps made their way over the earthy floor, halting only a few feet in front of the crafted mark. “I thought it was about time I came to see you.”

Saeyoung swallowed thickly. He felt awful for staying away for so long. The guilt of what he had done never left him. His voice almost betrayed him as he kept talking.

“Would you believe me that it actually worked out? Saeran has been living with me for a while now. He’s getting better every day. Everyone is doing great. Working hard, fulfilling their dreams. Zen scored a role as the main character in a popular show on tv. He’s more famous than ever and has lots of people cheering for him. Yoosung has his own clinic. For pets, I mean. He became a vet, just like he wanted to. Jumin took over C&R and the company is thriving. I work for him now. In the intelligence department. He pays well and my worktimes are at least a lot better than when I was with the agency. Oh, and Jaehee? Jumin got off his high horse and helped her opening her cafe. It’s part of the big C&R cluster of course, but at least he doesn’t get to shoo her around anymore.” A weak laugh left his lips as he rambled on. “I wish you could be here to see all of it. They’re all still talking about you too. Only nice things of course. And…they miss you. A lot. I do too. I think of you every day. Ever since you have left, I feel like a part of my heart is missing. And I keep wondering if…if I could’ve fixed it differently. If there was a way to fix this without-”

Choking up tears, Saeyoung fell to his knees. His fingers dug into the dirt. He did this. He took her life away, because he was being selfish. So selfish. And Mc. Was willing to give up. Was it for him? The others? Or was she tired of the endless circle they had been caught in? He never asked her. He just assumed he was doing the right thing. Her trust was something he never deserved, he knew that now. Yes it seemed to have worked out, but he’d forever have her blood on his hands. The RFA did not know. They thought she had left on a whim. Away into another country, protected by Seven, given a new identity. To protect her from the agency he said. To protect her from whatever was left by Mint Eye. All lies to protect himself from their hurt. 

He stayed there for a while, weeping as he let out his pain. His doubts. Telling her about his regrets, all the things he meant to tell her, the things he meant to experience with her. Until there was nothing left. Nothing but exhaustion and emptiness. 

Taking a shaky breath, he got up from his position to approach the wooden cross even more. His hands moved behind his head, fumbling around, until he managed to open the chain that kept his necklace in place for more than ten years. It had been a piece of comfort to him through his struggles. A reminder of his faith. Protecting his soul from the darkness surrounding him as long as it had lingered. Holding the piece of steel, still warmed by his skin in his hands, he looked at the sky. The few drops falling through the leaves left spots and trails on his glasses, some of which dropped to run down his face, others threatening to fall into his eyes. 

“Thank you for you sacrifice. And thank you even more for forgiving me. I haven’t forgotten what you said, you know. I’ve not forgotten a single thing. I keep each of your words, the sound of your voice, the sparkle in your eyes when you spoke about things you loved. I keep it- no, you close to my heart. I’ve prayed for you countless times. So, I hope that, wherever you are now, it is not too selfish of me to believe that you too, think of me still.”

Moving slowly, he hung the necklace around the top of the cross. 

“Let this be my last gift to you, albeit it’s a late one. I won’t come back to see you again. For all it is worth, I’m sorry.”

His hand moved over the side of the wood softly, before falling back to his side. It was time to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the end notes ^_^ 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading. Please don't hesitate to leave me some comments. I'd love to hear your thoughts :)
> 
> Come say hi: [space-kitten-606](https://space-kitten-606.tumblr.com/)


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